EMTHISAL

EMTHISAL


Emthisal is a Palestinian Syrian.   Her parents are from Haifa and they were forced to join what is known by Palestinians as the “migration” when Palestine was divided by the powers in 1948 to form the state of Israel. Emthisal was born in Damascus but she still considers herself a Palestinian, although she recognizes that she loves Damascus where she was brought up and where all her friends are and could probably never live anywhere else.  Robert had met Emthisal during one of his visits to companies and thought she was quite an unusual character for this kind of society so, as he wanted me to meet her, we arranged to meet for lunch.

She is indeed quite an independent-minded character.  Her hopes and aspirations would not be out of place in Europe but, in the context of Islamic society, she is bound to meet opposition at every turn.  Her first major step outside the mould was when she met an Algerian medical student at university and decided to marry him countervening the social practice of allowing her parents to choose her marriage partner.  After the marriage, when her husband completed his studies, she went to live in Algeria where she spent four years.  Unfortunately, the marriage was not a happy one and she was frequently beaten by her husband.  She asked for a divorce which her husband refused to give her.  In Islamic law, when the husband wants to divorce his wife, he simple goes to the court and tells the judge that he wants the marriage dissolved.  He then presents the divorce document to his wife who must then abandon the home.  When the partner who wishes the divorce is the wife, things are not so simple, because the husband must agree to grant her a divorce.  Things are further complicated if there are children involved, because, being a patrilinear society, the children belong to the father’s family, so, if the wife wishes to have the custody of the children, it is extremely difficult to disentangle herself from the marriage.  In Emthisal’s case, after years of wrangling, she finally managed to secure her husband’s agreement and left Algeria with her son leaving behind all her gold and jewellery as a kind of “payment”.  This is a clear example of the role that gold and jewellery play in the life of Arab women.  All savings are invested in gold and jewellery which one day may help her buy her way out of a marriage or another situation or, if divorced by her husband, her store of gold and jewellery is her insurance policy for the future and survival.

With a seven year-old son to support, a job is of vital importance, because Emthisal’s family disowned her when she decided to marry against their wishes and, as a result, make no effort to help her out. As she is a well-qualified and dynamic person, finding a job was not an impossibility, but her position as a divorced woman with a child to support without any back-up from her own family places her at a distinct disadvantage and makes her extremely vulnerable to abuse.  As another girl told us, a divorced woman is fair game for any man and they consider it their right to knock them down like coconuts at a coconut shy.

When Robert met her, she was the executive secretary of a foremost businessman. This would seem to be an ideal position.  However, the truth of the matter soon emerged.  Although her title was impressive and her employee a man of social standing, the salary was fairly meagre (US$300 per month) although better than the average.  The salary level was not the major obstacle.  Soon after she was given the job, it was made clear to her that being a “personal” secretary meant just that - personal - and that to keep her job would require granting favours which had nothing to do with her secretarial skills. Under pressure, she had given in once but felt so vilified and reduced to what she termed “animal status” that she vowed never to give in again, come what may.  The day we met, she was again under great pressure to serve and felt that she could not.  On the balance was her dignity as a human being on the one hand and the need to provide for her son on the other.  She was outraged, questioning why it was that such demands should be made of someone, and she was comparing the difference in attitudes of her former Canadian bosses whose only concern was that her job performance should be satisfactory.  

However, Emthisal’s predicament is no exception. In fact there are many women in similar situations and she wanted to bring this form of abuse out into the open.  She spoke to a like-minded female journalist and another male journalist.  The woman was prepared to publish an article on the subject, but the male colleague advised them both against it on the basis that it is a simple matter to have people disposed of and that many have been for much less.  


What solutions might be found?  She told us of a Palestinian childhood friend now resident in Canada who had offered to marry her and take her to Canada, but that was a pipe-dream because, although that offer would provide a solution for her, it was no solution for her son, as it would prove impossible to get his father’s permission to have the child adopted by her new husband. So, though she hung on to this dream, she realized that it was really only a chimera because she could never abandon her son who was all she now had in the world and the crux around whom all her struggle and efforts revolved.

After lunch, Emthisal was anxious that we should go to her home to have a glass of juice - “It is Eid after all” - so we went back with her.  She lives in what she called a “middling” area.  When I saw it, I realized just how well cared for our area is, despite its many drawbacks.  Blocks of flats eleven floors high with eight apartments on each floor means that eighty-eight families live in each block.  Each apartment has a small sitting-room, a tiny kitchen, one bedroom and a bathroom.  Emthisal’s is by far  the smallest family in the area where most families have four or five or more children.  The entrance and stairways are littered with rubbish and spilt soft drinks and papers and dust and leaves ....

Emthisal’s apartment is threadbare.  There are two  sofas facing each other with a table between.  To the right of the door is a tattered cabinet with a small television on top.  There is also a small bookcase. The whole place lacked any feeling of homeliness.  A cage with two budgies hung outside the window on the tiny terrace.  The little boy, who had stayed with a neighbour while we were out, came home and he turned out to be a bright child.  At first he was a bit shy, particularly as he is not used to being in male company very much.  However, he had got a plastic bow and arrow as his Eid gift, so Robert started an arrow-shooting competition which soon brought him out of his shell.

The day after our meeting Emthisal resigned from her job and is now looking for something else.

April 9th 1998